Cheers to More Rights and Self-Determination For All Ability Levels

I learned in 2019 about a program in California called "Self Determination Program" that was signed into law in October of 2013 and is being implemented now. Below are some of the highlights as described by the Director of Developmental Services:

(Below from this Website Source: https://www.dds.ca.gov/SDP/)
A MESSAGE FROM FORMER DIRECTOR, SANTI J. ROGERS, DEPARTMENT OF DEVELOPMENTAL SERVICES
All individuals, regardless of ability, have the right to access the basic elements that make-up a good life, beginning with: family, independence, personal responsibility, and freedom of choice. The Lanterman Developmental Disabilities Services Act builds upon these basic fundamentals so that all individuals have the right to live their lives as they choose.

Similarly, the principles of Self-Determination include:

1. Freedom to exercise the same rights as all citizens; to establish, with freely chosen supports, family and friends, where they want to live, with whom they want to live, how their time will be occupied, and who supports them;
2. Authority to control a budget in order to purchase services and supports of their choosing;
3. Support, including the ability to arrange resources and personnel, which will allow flexibility to live in the community of their choice;
3. Responsibility, which includes the opportunity to take responsibility for making decisions in their own lives and accept a valued role in their community, and
4. Confirmation, in making decisions in their own lives by designing and operating the service that they rely on.

I like how on the site they mention how everyone deserves - "a good life" which is one of those philosophical areas that the oldest thinkers had opined about and each of us do personally. So glad that resources are being placed in this important area.

Here's to everyone's 2019 being filled with raised expectations and high hopes for all - of all ability levels. I'm happy to be part of it next year.

Post-Humous Post from a Wise Blogger on Acts of Creating Art

This is a one-time blogger, my dad, who wrote on the topic of aging, living in assisted (& skilled) care and aging with grace. He describes having made his first piece of art with the subject of a bowl of fruit and that piece will be featured on the back cover of my book co-authored with Gael Chiarella Alba which is titled, "Fruits of Care".

This holiday season, I think it merits a re-post.
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Bill Zint, today’s blogger, was my dad who speaks below about topics that show a life well lived. He lived from 1936-2015.

The "greatest" generation is aging and many of us can't live in the same places. Like it or not, we are all moving in the direction of being dependent upon others as we age. Those of us who have worked all of our lives and made our contribution often move to a different place in life. Having moved for the military in my own particular life journey, it was intense...with wife and 4 kids in tow. Often our home was large -- a military home in Thailand was more than 4,000 square feet, but we averaged 2000 square feet in more than 2 dozen homes where we were stationed. Retirement meant downsizing of possessions when we became empty nesters.

Next the "cottage" life in an active senior community peaked our interest. The cameraderie of seniors, a swimming pool, and golf cart rides were amazing. But when I broke my hip, there was a need for "assistive" living. There are some positives in this -- a move to nicer weather near family in California. I found I got to meet new people and found new things to do like painting. Then there was the move to an assisted living, and the two after that which were both a “Continuum of Care” for my wife’s needs and my own as our disease state progressed from Parkinson’s Disease. Each time our needs changed, we packed up again in sadness at the adjustment but knowing it was what was needed to do. It seemed we always had to move to a smaller place when we had more care needs (and more costs, too), but our possessions became less and less of an anchor and the focus shifted to just living life every day to the fullest with activities in our new communities – one of which I enjoyed the most was Art class.

My interest in art has in many ways become a metaphor for life. My first project was to paint fruit. I thought it would be easy and didn't know about shadow and form and color with the knowledge I have now. I followed the teacher's direction closely. And it so happens I am ambidexterous from an injury at a young age and found I could switch hands when one or the other hand was tired. I'm so in awe of artists like I wasn't before.

As I worked in art like my mom did as an elder in her retirement years when she moved from Colorado to California like I had, I took on her artistic competence. I told myself, "I know I can do this." The challenge of painting in different mediums became a way to overcome my obstacles in life. My canvas adapted and I found I could draw and move mountains - just like I could in a new place in my life, at a new physical address.

I found the act of creating enhances my own well being in several ways, for example:
1.) Expression of Myself: I came to see that self expression is a powerful way to share our lives with others. For example my painting of Hawaii was a way to tell people about my life there as briefer to Admirals at Camp Smith on Oahu. My watercolor painting of Waikiki brought back memories anew for me, and I could share them easily. Which brings me to my next point...

2.) Sharing life stories and memories: I also found that expressive art provides vivid access to my memory. I found that people who have difficulty expressing themselves because of speech impediments or phonetics, or different languages in my community could communicate through visual means and feel understood by others through their art.

3.)Interaction with Other: Socialization in the art room was another benefit that was new and different for me. I saw that seniors are less likely to feel lonely or isolated when drawing or painting in silence seated next to another - no words are even needed.

4.) Intellectual stimulation: art projects helped me to see the world in a new way.

5.) Our being changes from art: I know that studies have shown the physical benefits of art, like helping coordination. Art is beneficial in lessening pain & enhancing immune functioning. I found it meditative and a break from life's worry, too.

6.) Spiritual connection: I'm painting an image similar to Raphael's Christ. I feel a deeper connection to my faith through my art, while I enhance my skills of painting human musculature.

In my new setting of life that changed from patriarch in my family's home, to living in a more supportive community with assistance I need with my advancing Parkinson's Disease. This is assistance I never expected to need, but I look to the future with promise. And my daughter, Sharon, ensures me an there is no limit to what I can achieve as an artist -- possibly more blogging, maybe doing an art show or maybe even making a calendar or postcard collection with my works.

Hourglass Metaphor Explaining Aging Beautifully

I love the hourglass metaphor and have often used it when I explain to others what my dissertation was about -- it's about finding meaning in a time of care in which your elders' days are depleting and your children's lives are "filling up" but I don't recall ever blogging about it until I saw this hourglass at Target by the brand Threshold. I had to buy it! This particular photo of it in my mantle just doesn't do it justice so I had my pre-teen daughter take more (but I have to add them in a later post, not tonight).

There is a term called "sandwich generation" care and this (would you believe) is the term used in research to explain just exactly this kind of care of 2 generations. Can you imagine being likened to the meat/cheese within 2 slices of bread which represent your kids and parents? Think about that -- bread and sandwiches as a metaphor! And should you have step-parents, then the term "club sandwich" (meaning more bread in the metaphor mix) is used. This is one of those time when the English language totally fails in description and just a bit more imagination in naming it would have been helpful.

Back to my hourglass -- Have you ever watched the sand fall in one? You can literally see how at the very same time that sand is being removed from the top, it is filling up the bottom. And there is no stopping it. Well, in my version of this Threshold hourglass you can actually tip it on its side and have it "hold" the sand in suspension...but not in reality.

I was thinking about a particular person I know with Alzheimers and how every day is like those sands of the hourglass with a little more memory gone - probably more than we know until bigger changes reveal what is being done at the cerebral level. And as all this is happening, life is just an eensy teensy bit shorter in terms of length of this elder's life. BUT when I think of my teen about to head to college in the fall, her life is not just beginning but seems like is open and full ahead of her. I wish I could stop time and savor it but just blogging about it gets me in that mental time suspension even for a moment.

I have a dear friend who is introducing me with baby steps to art journaling. Well I told her I want to do it, but she is helping me face my fear of paints and putting things on paper that I think are ugly at this phase but are still considered art. It's funny how in the midst of doing art and putting down what you think you feel that suspension of time. I have heard REAL artists talk about this and how they lose track of time with the clock and just flow with what they are doing as if there is no time. Maybe art is the answer for me to escape the sands in my own family hourglass. Not sure but it sounds worthwhile to pursue...but don't look for my art anytime soon here (that is, not until it's WORTH posting).

If my family sees a light on in my SheShack, I am there art-journaling...I posted a tour of the place on Tumblr at my handle PeeringOutward. Check it out: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/peeringoutward

Until the next post!

Therapeutic Animals (without the "Therapy Dog" Certification) for a family who is caregiving

Domesticated animals are such a comfort. I have 2 dogs who are both rescue dogs and they make me so happy when I see them. And studies show that having a pet at home is good for not only adults, but kids who benefit from reduced allergic reactions. AND to my surprise people with Alzheimer's even benefit (as well as their caregivers). This article gives all the specifics https://www.webmd.com/hypertension-high-blood-pressure/features/health-benefits-of-pets#1 which I urge you to read.

Of course a puppy who is going through potty training, or an aggressive dog or cat who pose an inconvenience or safety threat do not fit this category of pets that bring comfort. But mine do and that's what I'm here to share today. Just some photos of my animals and a sharing of how much joy they bring me. My dog "Flash" (who is black with a white thunderbolt on his chest) is also featured in my kids book called, "My Grandpa Wants to Get a Porcupine" if you want to check it out on Lulu.com or Amazon or your favorite book retailer online or at a storefront.

Teaching Family Members Resiliency (not from a textbook)

Knowing how to teach a family member of ANY age to be resilient in a trying time is not something we learn at school. Often those of us who feel like we posses "grit" and can push through complexity or difficulty from past experience, have some knowledge of resiliency but it's hard to make it tangible for others. And if your context doesn't match that of another person - even if in the same family - then maybe they won't value advice on being resilience in a credible way.

What I can tell you is this: Resiliency is within all of us and needs to be explored in a "hindsight" kind of a way or examined through the lens of another person. For example if you ask people to explain different times in their lives when they went through a difficult time, they will characterize the time in the hardest period differently from the finishing/reflecting upon the experience. Values like persistence and fortitude have to be shown to the person having experienced it for them to see their role in succeeding at that given challenge. It doesn't mean you have to have exhibited grace under pressure or that you had a smile on your face in the toughest moments to have gone through it and persevered.

Our forbears who lived through drought or famine in history often live longer than those with resources in other countries. Stories of strength and resourcefulness abound in times of war - look to any book or documentary. The resilience is the wheat from the chaff and the cream from the milk - its the portion that rises and shines with a different effort. Yet many just need to be shown how to find meaning in struggle and grace in a time of pressure. It's nowhere in a textbook yet arises from a conversation with a parent, mentor, teacher, etc. But teaching someone to find the space and reflective abilities to review and learn from experiences is not something our society embraces.

Another topic that is related to resiliency but not in an obvious way is trusting oneself. Here is a story from a woman my daughter and I saw at a talk given to adolescent girls who wanted to one day be pilots. The woman was speaking was a pilot for a major airline. She talked about knowing someone in aviation but not considering this field whatsoever. After finishing college and taking a detour from the U.S. workforce, she figured out a way to extend her free spirit from college by working overseas teaching English. You might be thinking of a person backpack and you'd be right in many respects except the highlight of her talk wasn't travel...Along with her job in France teaching verbs and adjectives to francophiles, she also passionately pursued rock climbing for two years. She said something that made explicit what is not often thought of in rock climbing (at least not in my mind). She said, "I LEARNED TO TRUST MYSELF" - It made me ask myself that question. In what situations do I trust myself? How do I allow my 12 year old daughter to trust herself (& my other kids, too). I'm not saying that this woman implied that she was a "know it all" in any sense of that phrase. Rather, in two years of pulling herself up and knowing her strength and acting upon and within new and foreign situations, she in effect could foresee herself in roles that were traditional and non-traditional. She told the girls in the audience and their parents that she returned from oversees, and undertook flying classes because she didn't want to ever be in a cubicle and knew that most any pilot job would give her the freedom she had grown used to. And because she had a deep trust in her own instincts and technical capability, she knew the risks and was willing to accept those risks in flying other people and operating an aircraft that might have technical issues or even have a risk of crashing.

My 12 year old told me around age 10 she wanted to be a pilot. I'm not sure where this feeling came from (my father was a pilot perhaps that was the inspiration). But what I found so vital in this whole exchange was that my daughter seemed to SENSE that she could do this. Nowhere in her mind was the feeling of second guessing that I know would come soon in adolescence. I also knew that unless I foster her own sense of trust in herself, the world will easily take that away. Now I don't guarantee what the future holds in my daughter being a pilot. But I can tell you she has a love of science and no fear of math (both of which affected me), and has now seen/met pilots who are women (thanks to Girls in Aviation Day) and sees a path forward. There are many, many other steps involved to make this materialize as a hobby or career, but I'm happy to help my daughter know her ideas are worth trusting.

How can resilience and fostering self-trust come to pass in your household? I can tell you when my mom and dad had Parkinson's and their physical abilities began to falter, their own self-trust also declined. Once we went to a restaurant and I gave my parents my own order thinking they would place it for all of us while I popped into a store to buy an item. I was gone 15 minutes and never did my parents wave down a waiter and place the order. They were timid and afraid to "do it wrong" - placing the order for food, that is! I was shocked that my parents who had worked and had vital lives and the only change was their walker or wheelchair -- now they felt they didn't have the skills to wave a waiter and place an order. It showed me that unless our kids and elders are LED to continue to allow themselves to trust themselves, take small and bigger risks and know they are in the zone of where failure is OK, they can keep steady their sense of resilience. But if they don't have those conditions and supervision and mentoring, self-trust and resilience are not made explicit in their lives and these skills falter or go away entirely.

I could also use a mentor for expanding my own comfort zone but for now and coaching myself through things like job changes, what to do with the path I have set for myself to help caregivers through training classes, and how I can expand the people I reach out to so that I am helping the caregivers in families that need it most. I like to see it as a metaphor related to climbing (without the risk)...by holding the rope I have a tether and can pull myself along. I don't have to go on one linear path, I can pick my own. And the judgements I make about my path are own. Others can weigh in, but the sense and definition I give this path is from the meaning I make from it. And now that is my own version of a textbook resilience-making skill!